:UPDATE: Dating with dignity: exclusively dating older men

I have a friend who I was talking to recently, she's 32yrs old, and she informed me that she is married
to man that's about 20years older then her. I had a lot of questions for her, but instead of asking questions I just wanted tips from her on how, and what to expect when you're into a older man. So I wrote them down, and I'm here to share with those that are exclusively dating someone older whether you're female or male. I know these tips will be helpful for when you're stuck in a rut, because being in a age gap relationship can be difficult and you'll find yourself insecure at times. These tips will help you see where you are at and if it's worth it. Just remember we live in the real world, not a movie.(my friend told me to say that.)

Patience
An established older man would be more ideal for a young woman. Before We initially marvel over
his fancy career, we have to quickly learn that he must work hard (and often) to pay the bills. Sometimes, this means less attention for you, almost always means that you and your mister cannot be together *sigh*every waking moment. If you want to make the relationship work, you have to be understanding of his time. So instead of whining about why "we can't stay up chatting with him until 4am"every night, work out a schedule to ensure that you both are able to spend time with one another without compromising your individual responsibilities. The key thing is to have Patience. Patience. Patience.

Convo. Convo. Convo!
You can let your responsible nerdy side loose! Young women are attracted to older men, because of their great conversation. So let’s face it: most 20 year olds are not interested in talking about buying their first home, 401(k) plans or even bar hoping. This is the stuff your older man would to talk about. So do enjoy your man, because he lets you, be you.


Classy
The reason why he is attracted to you is because aside from your youthful side, you also have a old soul. You're not into the many trends that involve #YOLO, blowing up on a Tuesday or what's new with keeping up with the Kardashians. You see the big picture and you want more in life. You want to be someone in life. You stay #classy. Classy never dies. Of course you're gonna make honest mistakes because you're young and he knows that. Learn from mistakes and keep it pushin. Rome wasn't built in a day and it wasn't built alone. Get his advice on certain situations. He most likely has been through 75% of the things you will run into.

Show him what you know
Exactly. Don't start acting old  or give up adventurous thoughts because he is older, and may have done a lot of things before you. Keep being young and yourself. Open up! Communicate, he is attracted to your young spirit. He may want to revisit some places he has been to already, but with you, because you'll make it fun! Remember love makes you feel free, not trapped. Amen. 

Don't be scared be ready!
You might want to turn down every invitation to hang out with him and his friends, since they're all so much older and you don't want to embarrass him? However, if he's the right guy for you, then he'll find a way to make you comfortable. Don't feel like his friends are judging you, because they're probably jealous that he landed such a beautiful, young woman. Also don't  feel like you don't 
measure up. You might not have a stable job or be the best kisser, but it's because you're still young. You have time to learn new things, and he can be the one to teach you.

Teach him things
When a moment comes and you reference something from the 90's, but he doesn't get it. Don't brush it off. Tell him, show him were you got it, he might end up loving it.  You have to remember the age gap. He probably grew up with computers just coming out, and you're growing up with technology at its best. He doesn't have time to learn everything, but you do. Show him new apps that can less complicate his lifestyle. Like Skype so he can see his family, or what's app if he gets tired of texting he can just speak it and it'll go through. He will appreciate your time smartness.

No game zone
Keep in mind that you are different ages. How it's viewed to show your affection in your generation is totally different from how he grew up. So that means when you get the urge to text him, text him. Say what's on your mind don't hide, don't be complicated.  I recommend watching TVLAND, The Jeffersons, or even Wayne world or how Stella got her groove back2. You will see how the women were not afraid to show that they were Love, Peace, and Strong. And they showed it every time he 
came around.


Make it work
He's older than you, which means that he's been dating for longer than you have or he probably has an ex wife with some kids. You can't blame him. Don't run away, accept his past with all his baggage. It will feel awkward if you too come to the agreement of meeting his side of the family, but handle meetings as you would any other tricky social situation, by tanking up on wine beforehand, sometimes. Look at his past as a good thing. You'll be able to know how he treats those he cares about, and if it's something you would want to continue. 




The experience of dating an older guy is how you make it.  You can make it fun or you can make it embarrassing (which it's really not). He is a guy with insecurities your a female with insecurities. Open up to each other, be on the same page, and assure each other that there can be and will be growth in the relationship. I hope this helped those that were reading this. This is not only for older men relationships but it's for all relationships that need some old school lovin.

With love,

Brittney Ndlovu's