Dating with dignity: knowing the difference in being played and loving freely

Long title but very strong and self observant. Not knowing when you give your love, if you're being used is a very stressing thought. It even gives my heart the trembles! I care for someone so much but I get afraid that  he could possibly be my past men that took advantage of my strong love. Being guarded for so long, and when I say being guarded I mean  observing every word spoken  avoiding the urge to let your heart step in. Feeling  every action on his part is bad intentions to use you.  It takes a lot of things away from a new relationship, which should be good vibes and butterflies.. Okay maybe not butterflies but you get what I mean. Both parties want something a strong hold for each other (TRUST).  But how can you when you don't wanna do the same mistake and look at yourself as stupid. So my question is how can you find the difference in being played or loving freely?